Self-centered. Self-absorbed. Self-obsessed! What am I talking about? Well, those are the words we use to describe a narcissistic person. And I feel really sorry for you if you happen to know one such person, aka your mother. You need a dose of inspiration and happiness to survive this. Not all mothers are great and ideal who read bedtime stories to their kids and chase away the monsters hiding under their beds. Instead, the kids are left to look after themselves because their mothers are too busy taking care of their needs first. And that’s why you need to know How to Survive a Narcissistic Mother. If nothing more then at least these Things to Heal Yourself Towards Sanity.
How to Survive a Narcissistic Mother
Yes, such mothers that are mean to their own kids do exist. No, they are just not able to love their children as they are supposed to. And yes, narcissistic mothers do exist in real life who have an extremely selfish bone in their body with a nasty streak of seeking admiration. Some things are not just picture perfect and neither are some mothers. You can only survive it rather than trying to change it. If you are married to an introvert, here are the ways to make things better and thriving.
Learn All About Narcissism
Your mother is easily offended. She seeks attention like all the time. In her own little world, there exists only one person – your mother. She fails to recognize your emotions and feelings every time. If you are observing all these things from your mother’s side then yes, you have a narcissistic mother indeed. And if you have begun to realize this sad truth then what you need to do is know what you are dealing with. Learn everything that is there about narcissism. The better you understand the narcissism, the better you will be able to understand How to Survive a Narcissistic Mother.
Accept the Loss of Never Having a True Mother
Narcissism is like an incurable disease. Your mother is not like the other mothers who put their child first and above everything. So, you have to accept the truth that you are never going to have a true mother. Your narcissistic mother will always keep her needs above all. There is no point mulling over it or ponder over the thoughts that revolve around what ifs and if onlys. Your mother is what she is, so better accept the truth and grieve for the loss of your mother who just can’t love you back the way you deserve. The process of grieving won’t be easy but it’s a must if you are to survive. It won’t be much use to tell her how much you love her. Spend that energy on your partner instead.
Stop Trying to Change Her
Your promotion will not please her enough and neither will your changed behaviour. You keep trying to please her, seeking her approval but get a frown instead. That’s you cue to realize that no matter what, your mother wouldn’t change and it is not your fault. Her narcissism can be a result of many different things, none of which is your wrongdoing. So, stop trying to change her with your acts because they will be nothing but futile attempts.
Your Mother is Narcissistic. But What About Your Father?
When one is suffering the wrath of a narcissistic mother, one may feel worse about the father, thinking he should be able to protect you from your mother’s abuse. The truth is that the enabling parent becomes complicit even though he himself is victimized by it. It’s neither your fault nor is it your father’s that your mother is a person with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). It can be difficult to forgive your enabler of a father but I would always say that forgiveness is a one step forward to healing. But that depends on the realization of how much your enabler parent has excused the behaviour of your narcissistic parent. Because in a way, the enabler is also responsible for the abuse.
Find Another Shoulder To Lean On
Support is needed when one is trying to understand How to Survive a Narcissistic Mother. So surround yourself with people who really care for you and your well-being. Who love you and listen to you. Your friends, boyfriend or girlfriend or spouse will help you in overcoming this overwhelming situation. It’s difficult to understand what kind of person in front of you is. Maybe the stars will help you there.
Don’t Let Her Manipulate You
Because that’s what narcissistic mothers do. They will manipulate you; coerce you in doing something that you really don’t want to. She might sense you if you are trying to pull away from her and will try different tactics to get things done from you against your heart only to end up the same and back to her old narcissistic self. So, you need to stop letting her get into your head. And don’t let her take yourself for granted.
Set Your Boundaries
A person with NPD won’t understand the term – boundary. Instead, they will violate the boundaries and fencing that you have built around yourself every chance they get. But you need to remember why you built a protective shield around yourself in the first place and don’t let her control you. Instead, pick a few chapters of happiness from Buddha’s Handbook.
Stay Connected With Your Emotions
A narcissistic person has no regards for other’s feelings. Hence there is no doubt that a narcissistic parent will teach her kids the same. Your narcissistic mother might be the victim of such behaviour from her own parent. And that’s why you need to hold on tight with your emotions and feelings, no matter how much your narcissistic mother tells you that they are not good for you.
Stop Hurting Yourself. It’s Not Your Fault.
It is often observed that a child suffering from a narcissistic parent, blames herself for her mother’s insensitive behaviour. You start blaming yourself, thinking you are the one at fault and start destroying yourself with self-abuse. Addictions, self-harm, taking unnecessary risks, putting your life in danger and trying to punish yourself, all these things seem better to soothe yourself, which they are absolutely not. You will only be destroying yourself in the process. The sooner you realize that it is not your fault, they better will it be for you.
Distance Yourself from Your Mother
No, it wouldn’t be easy to do that. It will be extremely difficult for you to move away from your mother, but it will be the best solution for your sanity. One thing that you need to know is that a narcissistic mother will lie, abuse you, disrespect you, control and manipulate you and nothing is going to change her. She has no concern about others so no matter what you do; she will always look down at you. As a child you need to accept it and pull away from her, keeping minimal contact. Speaking of contact, you must know the psychology behind text messages and how to use it to your advantage.
Life is not perfect; it is full of bumpy rides and twisty lanes. The only thing you can do is be prepared to deal with the hurdles and try and survive the horrendous curves that life will deal you. And try and be a better person.